Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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