Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
