Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
