Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
