I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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