Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
