I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
