He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
