and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize