She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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