we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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