A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
