Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
