I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
