suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
