I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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