im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your cock deserves a montage
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
