Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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