youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
