You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
