Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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