I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
