i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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