Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
