i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
