made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
