I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
