I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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