yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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