i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
