omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
