just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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