i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
