Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
