never play flip cup with pint glasses
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize