It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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