So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
