i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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