i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
