Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
