At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
