She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
