Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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