I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
