My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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