I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
