I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
