Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize