Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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