before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
