you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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