I wish my penis had an off switch
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize