I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
