I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize