Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful