you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
