i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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