I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
