good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
