you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
