one might say we're banned from that church
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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