Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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