Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
