If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize